Any twerp trying to inveigle into the US will tell you this: when your name has more Khans or Shahs than the optimum level, the trick is to preserve a tactful silence and pray that the authorities will pardon the gaffe. Shah Rukh Khan, with whom both tact and silence are in scarce supply, must have gibbered his way to detention. In this fashion:
..
"Shah Rukh Khan, that's me, guys. SRK! That's who I am.Shah. Rukh. Khan. So, lets make the most of it" says Shah Rukh to the two uniformed Americans (Ted & Ed).
Ted takes out his pocket notebook, where he keeps a list of Words To Watch Out For.
Shah Rukh decides to drive home his point strongly, "Shah Rukh! The Badshah of Bolywood! The Sheikh of Mumbai! DON'T YOU KNOW?? Saif Ali, Aamir Khan, Salman Khan, Abishek, Alla Rakha Rehman, Farah Khan??", adding his collegues' name for good measure.
Ted stares down at his list. Never had he met a suspect who reeled out almost all the words in the roster. Ted licks his pencil and ticks out the words. He also adds, against the word "Khan", the number 3 in brackets, for he always likes to get his facts right.
Only two words remained unticked : Osama and Jihad!
Ed, peeping at Ted's book, decides to start enquiry: "So, you are Shah Rukh Khan?"
"Ji Haan" (Yes,Sir!) , says the Badshah.
"Ed!" ,Ted screams at Ed!
"Ted!", Ed screams at Ted!
"Hello Ed!, Hello Ted!" , SRK completes the formalities and becomes chatty.
"Ofcourse, nowadays I'm also the CEO of Kokotta Knight Riders, as you know,"says SRK.
("Whaddiddesay?"hisses Ted,staring fixedly at the single unticked word remaining in his list. "Kokqueda something - It's his terrorist outfit."hisses ED.)SRK realises his mistake. When you own a cricket team that has just got the drubbing of a lifetime, you don't advertise it. Striving to smooth over his faux pas, he carries on: "Ofcourse, we blew up the IPL in South Africa, you know. But we have better plans this year..."
("He blew up the Eye-Peal!" hisses Ted."What's the Eye-Peal?" mutters Ed."Prob'ly sumfing like Twin Towers!" rehisses Ted."He says he has planned somfing this year too?")"Do you travel abroad often?" asks Ed.
"The last time I travelled abroad was for the shooting of Billu Barber." says SRK.
(Ted writes down in his notebook: "Shooting of Blue Barber". No, that didn't make sense? He strikes out "Barber" and substitutes it with "Harbour")"So,why are you in the US?" asks Ted, simply wishing that he was'nt.
"Shooting" answers SRK. "Nice meeting you! Bye!" says SRK trying to walk towards the door.
Ted blocks the door and pushes SRK back.
SRK sighs. Happens everywhere! People just can't seem to get enough of him! Now he will have to enthrall his audience again! (He had already classified his uniformed chums as "audience")
He decides to do a dance number from Billu Barber. Accordingly, he throws his arms wide, bends his knees at an angle and performs his song-n-dance.
("Why is he walking like a penguin with corn in its feet?" asks Ted.
"Raving lunatic!"Ed passes judgment, giving SRK a reproachful eye.
"This is the price you pay, you Sinner!" , said the Eye, "for blowing up Eye-Peals and shooting blue barbers...or harbours")
SRK,now fully engrossed in his work, had come to the end of the song. As required, he sits down on his knees, and makes circular motions with his head, much like a merry-go-round.
("Ed! This is real bad! Dinchoo see the movie? The guy says his prayers sitting on the floor. Then, he looks left, then right and wipes his face, and then..BANG!!"says Ted.
"No?How much time do we have?"
"Two mins. May be more, I fast-forwarded this bit", whispers Ted.
Digesting the fact that he had about two minutes to save America, Ed pushes the red button beneath his desk.)
SWAT team is notified and soon cordons off the Security area at the airport.
"BANG! VRRRRR....UM"
Shah Rukh Khan's performance gets disrupted by the noise (which is the noise a SWAT team member makes when trying to get inside noiselessly).
SRK looks to the left, trying to ascertain the source of the noise.
He looks right, at his audience, requesting further explanation.
At that precise moment a hand shoots out at the scruff of his neck and twists his hands.
"If you try to WIPE YOUR FACE, YOU SON OF A ***#@##, I WILL KILL YOU" screams Ed.
As dozens of SWAT members pour into the room, it finally dawns on SRK that something is not right.
Ed puts his hands inside SRK's pockets. Ted breaks into applause as Ed takes out a hanky, with a quiet dignity that behooved a person who single-handedly saved the United States Of America!